“I didn’t know what it’s like to touch my wife in a devotional way,” a client confessed after attending a yoni massage lesson with his wife. They had sought my guidance to rekindle their intimacy, both feeling sexually frustrated. His desire for more sex contrasted with her withdrawal, creating a cycle of unmet needs and tension. Sometimes she would relent, providing him with the release he sought, but it was clear this dynamic was unsustainable.
The Dynamic of Need and Repulsion
As I listened to their individual frustrations, it became evident that his lust repelled her. To her, his touch felt demanding, as if he needed her to satisfy his urges. From his perspective, she should feel grateful for his desire, yet her energetic response treated him like a threat. Delving deeper into their family dynamics, the issue became clearer. She was a busy mother of two with a demanding job, constantly providing for others. In her sexuality, her husband's neediness felt like another burden.
Introducing Devotional Touch
My role was to demonstrate a devotional touch, a ceremony of adoration for her. Initially, we may not know what touch she needs, but the willingness to explore and listen somatically is key.
We began with her arms, the most neutral part of a woman's body, to make her feel safe. I verbally reassured her that this touch was solely for her, not for us, and she was there to receive fully—only accepting what she truly wanted, only when there was a complete YES. I encouraged her to voice her preferences, needs, and boundaries, or simply to express through long vocal exhales.
Elements of Nature in Touch
Drawing inspiration from nature, I introduced different elements through touch:
Earth: A strong, grounding touch to bring stability and safety.
Water: Sensual, rhythmic strokes with coconut oil, reminiscent of ocean waves, to invoke sensuality, adoration, creativity, and nourishment.
Air: Feather-light touches, barely grazing her skin, to convey lightness, spaciousness, softness, and care.
Fire: Fast, intense movements designed to awaken and burn away what’s untrue.
By listening to her body's responses, I found that the earthy, grounding touch resonated most deeply with her. Her body seemed to exhale, confirming my intuition. I continued this touch, allowing her to melt into a blissful state of safety and relaxation.
The Impact of Devotional Touch
She shared that she hadn’t felt anything like this in a long time—presence, attention, attunement, and care without any desire to take something from her. This experience was profoundly different from anything she had known.
When we reached her yoni, I guided her to connect with herself, to listen and feel whether she desired to be touched. I gently cupped her yoni, caressing it like a precious divine creature, without any intent to arouse or achieve a goal. She cried, realizing she had never been touched in a non-sexual way, nor had she taken the time to connect with her yoni and truly listen to her needs.
A New Paradigm of Intimacy
Devotional touch begins with unconditional adoration and a desire to serve. It involves a mindset of “I’m here for you,” deep presence, emotional attunement, and somatic listening—perceiving the subtleties of body, breath, and energies. It’s about exploring from a place of relaxation and trust rather than cultivating chemistry-based passion.
As her husband observed our interaction, he saw the possibility of rewriting the script of their intimacy. This is a gradual and potentially challenging process, as it involves unlearning ingrained habits. Both had learned about sexuality through porn, and now they needed to reestablish a new model of intimacy. This included challenging notions like “I can’t self-pleasure, my wife has to satisfy me” and “my pleasure comes from ejaculation.” For her, it was crucial to learn more about her body, treat her yoni with care, and actively attune to being pampered and receiving in ways that were essential to her.
Moving Forward
Rekindling intimacy through devotional touch is a journey of mutual discovery and growth. It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to redefine pleasure and connection. For this couple, and for many others, it can be a transformative path to deeper, more meaningful intimacy.
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